What is this all about?
Well, how could I ever write a series about happiness, without touching on the subject relationship? I could actually create a major motion picture on all the ways that my failed expectations of friends, mates and potential partners have affected my level of happiness in my 31 years of life. And I can’t say that I have it all figured out; but what I can say is that there are universal rules to this game called life, and who we attract is always going to have something to do with who we are. I think we all understand this concept, regardless of whether or not we conceptualize it. For women, we spent tons of money on beauty products, countless hours to get shiny and appear brand new, tans, waxes, nip this and tuck that–and not to mention fitness fads and diet fixes. Men do it, too. We all go to great lengths to look great and fit the part of partner for our soul mate (if we believe in that sort of thing), or even to attract friends. Most adults that I know complain often about lack of meaningful connections, and some of us have given up all hope.
What do you think about soulmates? Are you searching and your are efforts to reel in our soulmate are coming from the right place?
Here’s something to ponder on…
soul: the principle of life, feeling, thought and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity seperate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
Like Attracts Like
Remember what I said yesterday about who we are and how it attracts? Well, after I lost half of myself, literally, I found that I could no longer blame my obesity for the fact that I was still lonely and every relationship that I found myself in was a result of me trying to mold people and build people up to the person that I desired in my heart. After a point, I couldn’t even blame it on my lack of confidence. Each relationship felt the same, with different faces and another time–they all ended leaving me in the same shape that they found me–and only once was I surprised about it. Why was I still attracting what I didn’t really want?
Gosh, What a way to live and love! Knowing with all of your heart that the person you want to fill a void, is not the person you hope and pray for in your heart.
If it wasn’t my weight turning away a mate that suitable for me, then what was it? Where was I going wrong? I couldn’t blame them anymore for my pain, because each one was different in every way. No similarities to speak of. Then a friend said to me, “Well, Dee, did you ever stop to think that it’s you that’s the common denominator in each situation?”And it hit me like a ton of bricks! There I was in the midst of a real life extreme makeover. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t even recognize myself sometimes, I was so different on the outside. I risked my life having bariatric surgery to lose weight (a drastic but necessary measure), went to the gym almost daily, took the long way home after work for a little extra workout, mostly to be healthy, but admittedly a huge part of me hoped to attract a new group of suitors to select from; I wasn’t the same on the outside, I made sure of that. But I surely hadn’t put the same amount of effort into my inner Self, for the same purpose that I worked on my outer self. I was lopsided, so naturally I looked for balance in others, but all I found was excess weight (in human form), to bog me down.
Getting a Clue
I always tried to feed my Spirit, because one thing I was sure of was that only what you do for the purpose of Spirit lasts, so why in the world didn’t it hit me sooner that if I want a lasting relationship, something deeper than what I had experienced, then why in the world was I using such superficial tactics? Even the term “soul mate“, says it all. The very definition (see: above) of soul suggests that the attraction comes from a deep, spiritual, authentic place. DUH!
If we are so focused on attracting our soul mate, and attracting meaningful connections, then why don’t we put the same amount of time and effort into making our souls as pretty as we do our surface?
I mean, we all want to be appealing to the eye, right? We are human and it’s innately in us to want to see to believe, however the eyes that are on our faces are not the only eyes that we have to see with. Many people call it the “third eye” or the “I in I”, whatever you want to call it, there is that which is in all of us that makes sense of things, people and situations by actually feeling things that we cannot see; an it is that side of our-Selves that is left unfulfilled each and every time we make a choice to love and live without consulting that side of us; and it is that side of our-Selves that we must get to know, prepare and polish in order to even begin to know what it is right for us. How can we ever know what love, security, and commitment is if we have nothing solid to compare it to? Shouldn’t we attract our soul mate from our souls? Our inner Selves is who we really are anyway, how else can we find real love if we aren’t searching from an authentic place?
A Real Answer
If we want a lasting relationship, and a mate by our sides that we can be tied to from soul to soul, shouldn’t we be searching from that place that we want love to reside and shouldn’t our souls be spectacularly, splendid in order to catch the “I” of the “one”?
Call for comments: Do you believe in soul mates? Are you in a happy, long term relationship, if so what advice do you have for those who are waiting for “the one”? If you’re not in a relationship and are looking for one what steps are you taking to make yourself available/ready for your soul mate? I would like to hear from my readers on this one! Let’s talk!Radio Host Tiffany Bacon post about the same subject today. Check her out.
- Soul Mates (psychologytoday.com)
- Soul Mate or Twin Flame (socyberty.com)
- Definition of a Soul Mate (socyberty.com)
- Dreams of Soul Mate (socyberty.com)
- Soulmates: Truth or Fairy Tale? (urbanbellemag.com)
- The Surprising Thing That Puts Your Relationship at Risk (cosmopolitan.com)
- How to be Single Today: (socyberty.com)
- Computer Love: Is Your Soul Mate Only A Click Away? (urbanbellemag.com)
- TiMER and the trope of destructive prescience [Movie Review] (io9.com)