my (former) secret

Standard

i’m big
strong
unmoved
steady
stout
a sista’ is serious!


i live in a place where people leave
never stay
never get too comfortable
and i say
i like it this way.


i
look both ways
to make sure it is safe
to say
that i love you…


i don’t let on but…


it is you that makes me soft
i spread smooth because of you
i am like coltrane
like summer breeze followed by a gentle rain
you’re my nourishment and
i love to kiss your face.

deidre l. knight, 2007

I’m still a bit skeptical about mixing my personal, with my business–which is life coaching, however I feel that my client will benefit from knowing where I have been, and what I have overcome.

When I wrote this poem I was 360lbs. I didn’t think anyone would see a “fat” girl as worthy of good things. I thought I had to settle. I thought I was afraid of love, because the love I knew hurt. I didn’t think it was possible to be happy, and in love; It was an oxymoron, to me. So, instead of allowing myself to be happy in love. I welcomed the pain that accompanied what I thought love was.

And while, I don’t believe love is easy–I don’t believe it is impossible to in a healthy, loving relationship. I no longer take abuse, in order to be loved.

I changed my mind about love, and everything else fell into place. When I’m hurting, I don’t associate that hurt with love. Whatever love is to you, it will be.

What do you think love is?

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