Let’s play the happy game!

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I want to invite you to play a game with me. It’s called The Happy Game, its fun and easy. The goal is to find new ways to be happy every day of your life for the rest of your life. It’s suitable for all ages and the game ends whenever you decide it does, but don’t worry you can always drop back in. The only rule is to do good things that make you happy. Are you game? Great!

Well, there are 31 types of happiness. One for every day of the month. How you achieve them is up to you. You can chose whichever of the 31 that you like each day, you can do as many as you like everyday, you can do repeats, you can carry this list with you or you can make a deck of cards, shuffle them–once you chose one you can have fun creating that form of happiness.

1.  Amazed: Wow yourself!

2.  Amused: Make yourself laugh.

3.  Anticipation: Know that there is joy right around the corner. Expect it and look for it.

4.  Borrowed: Celebrate someone else’s victory.

5.  Celebrate: Find something to throw a party for. Big or small, new dress or a new job, new thoughts and new dreams. New love. Dance like no one is watching!

6.  Cheerful: Be that person that sees the light in all things today. Be sickening with it. It’s contagious!

7.  Compassion: Acknowledge someone else’s hard time today, and make it easier on them by letting them know you care. Be happy for you ability to do so.

8.  Content: Be held together like glue today, no matter what happens brush your shoulders off!

9.  Delight: Be giddy about something you would normally overlook today. Something small and what you would usually consider insignificant.

10.  Enthusiastic: Believe in your happiness and let it show in all that you do!

11.  Exuberant: Be so happy today that people can’t deny or overlook it. Let your light shine for you and everyone else!

12.  Fun: If this game isn’t fun enough, play another one. Hide and seek?

13.  Give: Find out how good it feels to sacrifice for the sake of others. Find happiness in making someone smile.

14.  Glad: You don’t always have to do it big. Just be glad. Nothing fancy. Just glad.

15.  Grateful: Focus all the things that went right in your life. Every time you have the urge to complain, counteract with gratitude.

16.  Hopeful: Know that it’s coming, even if you don’t see it.

17.  Humor: Get Him to the Greek, Ellen Degenerous, Kevin Hart, Dave Chappelle, Bloopers all make me laugh. What makes you laugh uncontrollably? Do it till you’re satisfied!

18.  Inspiration: Find the kind of happiness that makes you feel ignited.

19.  Joy: Divine Happiness. Happy because and in spite of.

20.  Love: Forget about yourself today. Act from your heart.  Remember love in an action word. Act!

21.  Nostalgia: Smile about being happy yesterday. Be all sentimental and mushy today.

22.  Optimistic: If you can’t see the light, just look in the mirror. It’s always there. Remember that today.

23.  Peace: Be still!

24.  Play: Be goofy. Play double dutch or watch cartoons while eating captain crunch. Are you daring enough to play with an imaginary friend today? Hmmmm?

25.  Relief: Let it go and be glad that you did.

26.  Satisfaction: Pat yourself on the back for just trying today.

27.  Spirituality: Honor the Divine. How you decide to is up to you. Do what you do with the intent of feeling joy that can only come from deep within your Higher Self.

28.  Spontaneous: Don’t think about it. Just do it!

29.  Surprise: Do something unexpected for you and someone else today. Go out on a limb. Doesn’t that feel good?

30.  Sweet: Be kind and flirty today. Call yourself and others cute little pet names. Got it Sweetie? Ok Big Daddy?

31.  Vivacious: It’s ok, be full of it!

I bet you have some ideas already. How will you pull happiness off every day? Here are some ideas.

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A Lonely Place

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Shhhh…do you hear that? I guess you don’t, because it’s just me here (well, me and Ameerah and Noah, the kitties-slash-kiddies).

 

Ameerah and Noah

 

The TV is off. No music. No phone. If I listen with my heart and not my ears, there is certainly something to be heard. Trust me, it’s true. Go ahead and try it, take some time and cut off all of your distractions. Do it in the middle of the day, when you are most alert. Listen…What do you hear?

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The Ultimate Guide to Finding Your Soul-Mate, Part I

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The Get Free, Get Happy Series: Episode 4.0

How could I ever write a series about happiness, without touching on the subject relationship? I could actually create a major motion picture on all the ways that my failed expectations of friends, mates and potential partners have affected my level of happiness in my 31 years of life. And I can’t say that I have it all figured out; but what I can say is that there are universal rules to this game called life, and who we attract is always going to have something to do with who we are.

I think we all understand this concept, regardless of whether or not we conceptualize it. For women, we spent tons of money on beauty products, countless hours to get shiny and appear brand new, tans, waxes, nip this and tuck that–and not to mention fitness fads and diet fixes. Men do it, too. We all go to great lengths to look great and fit the part of partner for our soul mate (if we believe in that sort of thing), or even to attract friends. Most adults that I know complain often about lack of meaningful connections, and some of us have given up all hope.

What do you think? Are our efforts to reel in our soul mate are coming from the right place?

I will leave you with this definition for today.

soul: the principle of life, feeling, thought and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity seperate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existance from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.

Tune in tomorrow for Part II:-)


The Get Free, Get Happy Series, Ep. 2: It’s O.K.! Be a Baby Today!

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As good parents, I feel that you have to allow children to make mistakes, in order for them to learn. Example:

‘Baby’ is learning to walk. ‘Baby’ takes two steps and falls, PLOP! Mommy/Daddy says, “Awwww, that’s ok. Get up.”  ‘Baby’ looks up at the “big, goofy” people with smiles of admiration. “Wow,” Baby thinks, “All this and all I did was try?”, so ‘Baby gets up and tries again. ‘Big‘  and ‘Goofy’ stand about three feet away, close, with arms outstretched for ‘Baby’ to fall into them and their embrace,  if needed (and the truth is, they expect it. They know, in all of their big-goofiness, that there is a process of succeeding, and it’s rare to reach it without falling). The parents even celebrate the smallest of efforts, even when Baby doesn’t do anything but rock back and forth, trying to get their little legs to do what their young  minds are envisioning, “YAYYYY!!!!”, they yell, clapping, even if ‘Baby’ takes only two steps. ‘Baby’ looks up in awe of how loving ‘Big’ and ‘Goofy’ are, and soon ‘Baby’ is clapping and “yayyy-ing”, too!

With all this encouragement, and a process of practice, many tries and many failures–Baby can now walk!

As adults, we are sent out to live on our own, to live our own life, most of us with a set of instructions: “pay bills, work, eat, sleep, pray, don’t drive drunk, protect yourself, cook, clean, etc.” We leave our youth behind, as well as the desires of our youth. With no parents some of us go wild, others don’t, but for most of us we forget that there are steps that we have to take to fully embrace and walk through our lives. And while we aren’t children anymore, we are all Someone’s child (children of The Creator) and the need for nurturing never goes away, it just shows up in different ways (discouragement, low-self esteem, tears, loneliness). It will always give us confidence and courage to walk a little more steady the next-go-round. And it becomes our responsibility.

Like loving an coddling parents, we have to embrace our short-comings, open ourselves up allow ourselves a warm place to hide if we should ever fall and bruise ourselves. Tell ourselves, “it’s ok, sweetie! you’ll do better next time.” We have to give ourselves credit for trying, and give ourselves the option of being tired and allow us some time to rest, pray for guidance, observe and meditate and breathe before we go at our goals again. Just because we didn’t get the walk right the first, second or fifteenth time, doesn’t mean our try was a failure; “There is a blessing in every lesson” (‘The Truth’, India.Arie);We have to forgive ourselves for being human, just as our Creators does daily.

And might I suggest that this stroking and understanding go on outside of yourself? Nope, not in your head. Be “big and goofy!” Talk to yourself in a calming, reassuring tone, just as you would a child. Stand in the mirror, and look at you as you would look at someone else that you care about–Talk aloud the next time find yourself beating yourself up about how you could’ve done things differently. Tell yourself how much you love yourself, talk to yourself about all the good things that you’ve achieved, and all the good things that you are made up of. Caress yourself! Go ahead, do it–doesn’t that feel good? Give yourself credit for the small stuff–the baby steps. Even if you don’t believe it at first, entirely,  convince yourself! Do you see how confident you become, when you don’t focus on  what you perceive as your failure (in life and love)?

Just as if you were a baby, learning the steps, say to yourself, “”Awwww, that’s ok. Get up.” Try again when you’re ready. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t get discouraged!

Baby yourself! Self-Nurturing is one of the key elements of loving you.

And when you finally get it right. Celebrate with yourself, with yourself! Love yourself up! You deserve it!

“YAYYYYYY!!!!”

Your inner child needs you!

I Was Once Unlovable (A personal journey)

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I remember it like it was yesterday. It was about 105 degrees. I stood at the heart of Center City, Philadelphia waiting for my, then, lover. She hadn’t been to our home in days. We hadn’t had an argument, yet somehow she was absent from my life, with what I thought was no cause. Somehow, although we’d barely spoken, I had convinced her to go to couple’s therapy.  At the time, I was over

The Infamous Clock

350lbs., my legs ached from standing. With tears in my eyes, I watched as people climb the stairs. I wore a fake smile (something I still do when I’m very uncomfortable). I slipped my pink, shiny, cell phone in and out of my purse  praying for a text from her, as I watched the big, yellow clock at the top of City Hall, glow (tauntingly) for two hours.

I called her phone. Straight to voice-mail. And although I knew she had abandoned me for the past week, I’d convinced myself that she was underground, on the train with no signal. Although she’d cheated on me, mistreated me, and took me through an emotional hell, I thought to myself, “no one can be this heartless.”

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
— Maya Angelou

It wasn’t the first time I fooled myself. All of my life, I had spent most of my energy trying to prove to others what I was worth. And when they didn’t I tried harder. I was always sensitive enough to see that if I met myself on the streets I would be enthralled my intelligence, my natural empathy, my eccentricities. I never bought into the fact that I was garbage, yet I was convinced that no one else would ever perceive me as a treasure–but I still tried; When you are emotionally abused, rarely hear a kind word, it is quite hard to understand that love is an action word.

She never showed up. I wanted to turn around and go home, but no one was there. My heart was shattered. My friend’s already told me so. God already told me to let go. The proof was there. My only question was why?

Why?

I somehow ended up at the door of my therapist’s. I walked into the high-rise apartment building, still smiling like a mannequin, tears fighting with my eyelids, blinding me to my own name as I signed in at the security desk.

I tapped on her door, inhaling the lavender scent that swirled around my anxiety like a dance, forcing my spirits to lift–a little–I danced that dance with lavender every week for the next few years.

It took two traumatic heartbreaks, wasting my time pursing unworthy people, declining physical health, chronic loneliness and tears that I thought would never end–and of course years of therapy to realize that:

It’s me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence.
~Paula Cole, “Me,” This Fire


It was me the entire time–not her. As a child, I didn’t have a choice–or have knowledge of the choices that I had. As an adult, I knew the idea was to be independent, but I didn’t know that independence was not just about paying bills and working. Being independent is about having your own mind, making your own way, loving your own self, if no one else ever does.

I was resisting loving me, and when you resist what is inevitable your life will surely be a rerun of the lesson you are supposed to learn. What you resist will persist. It wasn’t everyone else that was being heartless–it was me. And until I began to love me, I realized that I would continue to be unlovable!

I will say it a million times! It is unfair to hold other’s to standards that you don’t hold yourself to. And lazy. How can we expect anyone to do the hard work of loving someone so human, when we can’t do it ourselves. No one said love was easy, but it is an action word. If you know that, then you know to put it into action!

I did it–do it–until I get it right. There is no formula for loving yourself, except to do what makes you smile, genuinely–from the soul and not on the surface (sometimes my spirit smiles, while my tears fall). For me, sometimes, it is watching classic episodes of Sesame Street. Other times, it is walking down the street, talking to God, not caring if people think I’m crazy (secretly, hoping they do). Recently, it has been doing the job that I feel I was made to do, utilizing myself as the gem that I am…But most of the time, it is telling myself loving things–loving myself is teaching people how to treat me, by treating myself well.

If you find yourself asking, “why?”, be sure the question is directed to you. Instead of asking someone, “why are you treating me like this?”, ask yourself, “why are you allowing someone to treat you like this.” So on, and so forth. I think you’ve got it. Right?

If you can wrap your arms around yourself, hug, and know that the key ingredient to the pie of life is knowing that you can only control you, you will find that no longer does your sunshine depend on someone else’s forecast. And thats a very good thing!

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.  ~African Proverb

NOTE: Life coaching comes after the therapy. I needed to deal with issues that went back to childhood. I didn’t know what I needed to let go of. Coaching deals with now, not the past. If you are ready to set goals for today, and love yourself today, then coaching may be for you. Email me for your free, confidential consultation: coachmysoul@gmail.com