It’s almost 5 am, and instead of sleeping, I’m up writing. In search of a little inspiration, I found myself, where else? FACEBOOK, of course. I truly believe that nothing happens by chance, so it’s no surprise that Jillian Michaels (Biggest Loser), posted this wonderful article that made me want to go write. It was so great that I couldn’t wait until the morning to share it. It’s great news for a hopeless romantic, love pusher like me.
“What you resist will persist”…
What does that mean to you? From my experience, it means having my priorities all discombobulated. It means being so caught up in what people will think, say, feel about my life that I forget that my ultimate goal for me is peace and happiness, so fear and resentment stick around a little longer–actually as long as I allow it to stay, it does.
In my life, “supposed” ; it’s such an ugly word. I held on so tight to the lie of what my life was “supposed” to be (false perceptions handed down by family, friends, peers, society), that I didn’t realize that all I had to do was let go of “supposed” to reveal the truth that was already there whether I like it or not.
I want to invite you to play a game with me. It’s called The Happy Game, its fun and easy. The goal is to find new ways to be happy every day of your life for the rest of your life. It’s suitable for all ages and the game ends whenever you decide it does, but don’t worry you can always drop back in. The only rule is to do good things that make you happy. Are you game? Great!
Well, there are 31 types of happiness. One for every day of the month. How you achieve them is up to you. You can chose whichever of the 31 that you like each day, you can do as many as you like everyday, you can do repeats, you can carry this list with you or you can make a deck of cards, shuffle them–once you chose one you can have fun creating that form of happiness.
1. Amazed: Wow yourself!
2. Amused: Make yourself laugh.
3. Anticipation: Know that there is joy right around the corner. Expect it and look for it.
4. Borrowed: Celebrate someone else’s victory.
5. Celebrate: Find something to throw a party for. Big or small, new dress or a new job, new thoughts and new dreams. New love. Dance like no one is watching!
6. Cheerful: Be that person that sees the light in all things today. Be sickening with it. It’s contagious!
7. Compassion: Acknowledge someone else’s hard time today, and make it easier on them by letting them know you care. Be happy for you ability to do so.
8. Content: Be held together like glue today, no matter what happens brush your shoulders off!
9. Delight: Be giddy about something you would normally overlook today. Something small and what you would usually consider insignificant.
10. Enthusiastic: Believe in your happiness and let it show in all that you do!
11. Exuberant: Be so happy today that people can’t deny or overlook it. Let your light shine for you and everyone else!
12. Fun: If this game isn’t fun enough, play another one. Hide and seek?
13. Give: Find out how good it feels to sacrifice for the sake of others. Find happiness in making someone smile.
14. Glad: You don’t always have to do it big. Just be glad. Nothing fancy. Just glad.
15. Grateful: Focus all the things that went right in your life. Every time you have the urge to complain, counteract with gratitude.
16. Hopeful: Know that it’s coming, even if you don’t see it.
17. Humor: Get Him to the Greek, Ellen Degenerous, Kevin Hart, Dave Chappelle, Bloopers all make me laugh. What makes you laugh uncontrollably? Do it till you’re satisfied!
18. Inspiration: Find the kind of happiness that makes you feel ignited.
19. Joy: Divine Happiness. Happy because and in spite of.
20. Love: Forget about yourself today. Act from your heart. Remember love in an action word. Act!
21. Nostalgia: Smile about being happy yesterday. Be all sentimental and mushy today.
22. Optimistic: If you can’t see the light, just look in the mirror. It’s always there. Remember that today.
23. Peace: Be still!
24. Play: Be goofy. Play double dutch or watch cartoons while eating captain crunch. Are you daring enough to play with an imaginary friend today? Hmmmm?
25. Relief: Let it go and be glad that you did.
26. Satisfaction: Pat yourself on the back for just trying today.
27. Spirituality: Honor the Divine. How you decide to is up to you. Do what you do with the intent of feeling joy that can only come from deep within your Higher Self.
28. Spontaneous: Don’t think about it. Just do it!
29. Surprise: Do something unexpected for you and someone else today. Go out on a limb. Doesn’t that feel good?
30. Sweet: Be kind and flirty today. Call yourself and others cute little pet names. Got it Sweetie? Ok Big Daddy?
31. Vivacious: It’s ok, be full of it!
I bet you have some ideas already. How will you pull happiness off every day? Here are some ideas.
How could I ever write a series about happiness, without touching on the subject relationship? I could actually create a major motion picture on all the ways that my failed expectations of friends, mates and potential partners have affected my level of happiness in my 31 years of life. And I can’t say that I have it all figured out; but what I can say is that there are universal rules to this game called life, and who we attract is always going to have something to do with who we are.
I think we all understand this concept, regardless of whether or not we conceptualize it. For women, we spent tons of money on beauty products, countless hours to get shiny and appear brand new, tans, waxes, nip this and tuck that–and not to mention fitness fads and diet fixes. Men do it, too. We all go to great lengths to look great and fit the part of partner for our soul mate (if we believe in that sort of thing), or even to attract friends. Most adults that I know complain often about lack of meaningful connections, and some of us have given up all hope.
What do you think? Are our efforts to reel in our soul mate are coming from the right place?
I will leave you with this definition for today.
soul: the principle of life, feeling, thought and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity seperate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existance from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
Tune in tomorrow for Part II:-)
- Soul Mate or Twin Flame (socyberty.com)
- Dreams of Soul Mate (socyberty.com)
- Why do we keep falling in love with cyborgs? [Video] (io9.com)
- Soulmates: Truth or Fairy Tale? (urbanbellemag.com)
- Achieving Happiness: More Advice from Plato (psychologytoday.com)
- Definition of a Soul Mate (socyberty.com)
- Study shows real partners are no match for ideal mate (physorg.com)
Get Free, Get Happy! Episode #3
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.”
— Eckhart Tolle
I have a question for you. Ready? O.K., I want you to take a few moments to think about this: If you stumped your toe, would you feel it, if your mind didn’t know it? I mean, if your brain was never aware of what happened in those few seconds where you mis-measured the space between the coffee table and the loveseat? Can’t figure it out yet? Well, what if your small child started to scream from the other room at the same time. Would the diversion from your own incident, to something more important, allow you to not focus on your own pain, even if only for a moment; would you still feel your own hurt?
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
When pain comes, your nerves send a message to your brain, and depending on your fears and perception of that pain, it can either be magnified or lessened. When we continue to obsess over our disappointments, we play out our emotions repetitively, and by going over the details of our painful stories our bodies feel the same tension and stress similar to what we feel if we actually going through the painful ordeal, over and over; we refuse the possibility of healing, and allow our hearts to continue to break.
When we allow ourselves to internalize our pain, we can’t forgive and we allow the people that we hold accountable for our pain power over our lives. While I believe that the pain that we feel, out of heartbreak and disappointment comes directly from our expectations of what we perceive as being perfect–we try to see things that only God can consistently give us in very human people and things–and are spiritually blinded to our attachment to them. It’s easier said than done, to not expect truth and loyalty from the people that we love 100%, but I think it’s easier to at least admit that it’s not realistic; and even if we can’t admit that aspect of taking responsibility for our own lives, I’m sure you’ll agree that no one deserves control over your peace of mind, but you. The more resentment we continue to harbor, the less truth we let into our lives. The reality is this: pain is usually a clue that we need to make adjustments in our lives. If your belt was tight enough to cut off your breathing, wouldn’t you loosen it and if your pants were falling would you not tighten it? Pain and discomfort is usually a sign of resistance of the inevitable. When we feel pain, usually it means we need to cling to what alleviates our pain (try to think permanent and spiritual on this one), and let go of what/who is causing this pain.
“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” –Ann Landers
I have hurt in my life and begged God to make it stop. I’ve asked the question that I’m sure many people have asked, “When will the tears/pain stop?” The answer was, to my surprise, “when you allow it to, the healing will begin.” Please, I urge you, to not think it’s a human, terminal, condition to continue to go through the same emotional pain, over and over, but until we learn to let go and let God and forgive, we let undeserving situations to run our lives. If there’s the chance of getting “burned”, there is also the option to come out as pure gold in the end; If you have the power to love, you have the power to live and let go!
“The Tao Te Ching says, When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. Have you ever struggled to find work or love, only to find them after you have given up? This is the paradox of letting go. Let go, in order to achieve.Letting go is God’s law.” – Mary Manin Morrissey
- The Ultimate Guide to Motivating Yourself (dragosroua.com)
- Forgiveness (psychologytoday.com)
- Are You Hurting? (itakeoffthemask.com)
- Wendy Strgar: The Truth About Forgiveness (huffingtonpost.com)
- Letting Go (socyberty.com)
- The Key to Freedom is Forgiveness (brighthub.com)
- Does God have a Plan? (blogilliterate.blogspot.com)
- RaK added a discussion to the group The Journey of Forgiveness (humanityhealing.ning.com)
- Judith Acosta, LISW, CHT: The Trauma of Betrayal and Verbal First Aid (huffingtonpost.com)
- To Forgive, Very Simple But to Forget, is It Real? (socyberty.com)
- Find Freedom in Forgiveness (psychologytoday.com)
- “The Pain Chronicles”: The science of pain (salon.com)
- Anger Increases Pain in Women (webmd.com)
- The Pain enigma: The more scientists learn, the more mysterious it becomes (news.nationalpost.com)
As good parents, I feel that you have to allow children to make mistakes, in order for them to learn. Example:
‘Baby’ is learning to walk. ‘Baby’ takes two steps and falls, PLOP! Mommy/Daddy says, “Awwww, that’s ok. Get up.” ‘Baby’ looks up at the “big, goofy” people with smiles of admiration. “Wow,” Baby thinks, “All this and all I did was try?”, so ‘Baby gets up and tries again. ‘Big‘ and ‘Goofy’ stand about three feet away, close, with arms outstretched for ‘Baby’ to fall into them and their embrace, if needed (and the truth is, they expect it. They know, in all of their big-goofiness, that there is a process of succeeding, and it’s rare to reach it without falling). The parents even celebrate the smallest of efforts, even when Baby doesn’t do anything but rock back and forth, trying to get their little legs to do what their young minds are envisioning, “YAYYYY!!!!”, they yell, clapping, even if ‘Baby’ takes only two steps. ‘Baby’ looks up in awe of how loving ‘Big’ and ‘Goofy’ are, and soon ‘Baby’ is clapping and “yayyy-ing”, too!
With all this encouragement, and a process of practice, many tries and many failures–Baby can now walk!
As adults, we are sent out to live on our own, to live our own life, most of us with a set of instructions: “pay bills, work, eat, sleep, pray, don’t drive drunk, protect yourself, cook, clean, etc.” We leave our youth behind, as well as the desires of our youth. With no parents some of us go wild, others don’t, but for most of us we forget that there are steps that we have to take to fully embrace and walk through our lives. And while we aren’t children anymore, we are all Someone’s child (children of The Creator) and the need for nurturing never goes away, it just shows up in different ways (discouragement, low-self esteem, tears, loneliness). It will always give us confidence and courage to walk a little more steady the next-go-round. And it becomes our responsibility.
Like loving an coddling parents, we have to embrace our short-comings, open ourselves up allow ourselves a warm place to hide if we should ever fall and bruise ourselves. Tell ourselves, “it’s ok, sweetie! you’ll do better next time.” We have to give ourselves credit for trying, and give ourselves the option of being tired and allow us some time to rest, pray for guidance, observe and meditate and breathe before we go at our goals again. Just because we didn’t get the walk right the first, second or fifteenth time, doesn’t mean our try was a failure; “There is a blessing in every lesson” (‘The Truth’, India.Arie);We have to forgive ourselves for being human, just as our Creators does daily.
And might I suggest that this stroking and understanding go on outside of yourself? Nope, not in your head. Be “big and goofy!” Talk to yourself in a calming, reassuring tone, just as you would a child. Stand in the mirror, and look at you as you would look at someone else that you care about–Talk aloud the next time find yourself beating yourself up about how you could’ve done things differently. Tell yourself how much you love yourself, talk to yourself about all the good things that you’ve achieved, and all the good things that you are made up of. Caress yourself! Go ahead, do it–doesn’t that feel good? Give yourself credit for the small stuff–the baby steps. Even if you don’t believe it at first, entirely, convince yourself! Do you see how confident you become, when you don’t focus on what you perceive as your failure (in life and love)?
Just as if you were a baby, learning the steps, say to yourself, “”Awwww, that’s ok. Get up.” Try again when you’re ready. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t get discouraged!
Baby yourself! Self-Nurturing is one of the key elements of loving you.
And when you finally get it right. Celebrate with yourself, with yourself! Love yourself up! You deserve it!
This is a very raw and intimate personal testament of how I learned, the hard way, how to love myself!