Embracing The Itch: Why Tattoos Are Like a Broken Heart

Standard

Why the heck do tattoos have to hurt so bad? “Well Genius, ” I bet you are saying, “you’re getting a bunch of needles, duh!” But hey, listen, it’s not just the tattooing part. It’s finding a way to sleep comfortably by not putting pressure on the part that now pains you, it’s showering and not accidentally letting hot water hit it directly, its people slapping you on your arm not knowing that you are aching. And then,  finally, there’s the annoying itch that lets you know that you are healing.  There’s this entire healing process that you go through, and while some handle it better than others, but healing is a must and it happens if you’re healthy.

So, I got this tattoo last week. A pretty bird to memorialize a friend, “Bubby”,  that I lost on Christmas Eve, last year. See? Continue reading

Advertisements

A Lonely Place

Standard

Shhhh…do you hear that? I guess you don’t, because it’s just me here (well, me and Ameerah and Noah, the kitties-slash-kiddies).

 

Ameerah and Noah

 

The TV is off. No music. No phone. If I listen with my heart and not my ears, there is certainly something to be heard. Trust me, it’s true. Go ahead and try it, take some time and cut off all of your distractions. Do it in the middle of the day, when you are most alert. Listen…What do you hear?

Continue reading

Let Go, Let God!

Standard

Get Free, Get Happy! Episode #3

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.”
Eckhart Tolle

I have a question for you. Ready? O.K., I want you to take a few moments to think about this: If you stumped your toe, would you feel it, if your mind didn’t know it? I mean, if your brain was never aware of what happened in those few seconds where you mis-measured the space between the coffee table and the loveseat? Can’t figure it out yet? Well, what if your small child started to scream from the other room at the same time. Would the diversion from your own incident, to something more important, allow you to not focus on your own pain, even if only for a moment; would you still feel your own hurt?

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

When pain comes, your nerves send a message to your brain, and depending on your fears and perception of that pain, it can either be magnified or lessened. When we continue to obsess over our disappointments, we play out our emotions repetitively,  and by going over the details of our painful stories our bodies feel the same tension and stress similar to what we feel if we actually going through the painful ordeal, over and over; we refuse the possibility of healing, and allow our hearts to continue to break.

Choose forgiveness and choose freedom!

When we allow ourselves to internalize our pain, we can’t forgive and we  allow the people that we hold accountable for our pain power over our lives. While I believe that the pain that we feel, out of heartbreak and disappointment comes directly from our expectations of what we perceive as being perfect–we try to see things that only God can consistently give us in very human people and things–and are spiritually blinded to our attachment to them. It’s easier said than done, to not expect truth and loyalty from the people that we love 100%, but I think it’s easier to at least admit that it’s not realistic; and even if we can’t admit that aspect of taking responsibility for our own lives, I’m sure you’ll agree that no one deserves control over your peace of mind, but you. The more resentment we continue to harbor, the less truth we let into our lives. The reality is this: pain is usually a clue that we need to make adjustments in our lives. If your belt was tight enough to cut off your breathing, wouldn’t you loosen it and if your pants were falling would you not tighten it? Pain and discomfort is usually a sign of resistance of the inevitable. When we feel pain, usually it means we need to cling to what alleviates our pain (try to think permanent and spiritual on this one), and let go of what/who is causing this pain.

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” –Ann Landers

I have hurt in my life and begged God to make it stop. I’ve asked the question that I’m sure many people have asked, “When will the tears/pain stop?” The answer was, to my surprise, “when you allow it to, the healing will begin.” Please, I urge you, to not think it’s a human, terminal, condition to continue to go through the same emotional pain, over and over, but until we learn to let go and let God and forgive, we let undeserving situations to run our lives. If there’s the chance of getting “burned”, there is also the option to come out as pure gold in the end; If you have the power to love, you have the power to live and let go!

The Tao Te Ching says, When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. Have you ever struggled to find work or love, only to find them after you have given up? This is the paradox of letting go. Let go, in order to achieve.Letting go is God’s law.” – Mary Manin Morrissey

The Get Free, Get Happy Series, Ep. 2: It’s O.K.! Be a Baby Today!

Standard

As good parents, I feel that you have to allow children to make mistakes, in order for them to learn. Example:

‘Baby’ is learning to walk. ‘Baby’ takes two steps and falls, PLOP! Mommy/Daddy says, “Awwww, that’s ok. Get up.”  ‘Baby’ looks up at the “big, goofy” people with smiles of admiration. “Wow,” Baby thinks, “All this and all I did was try?”, so ‘Baby gets up and tries again. ‘Big‘  and ‘Goofy’ stand about three feet away, close, with arms outstretched for ‘Baby’ to fall into them and their embrace,  if needed (and the truth is, they expect it. They know, in all of their big-goofiness, that there is a process of succeeding, and it’s rare to reach it without falling). The parents even celebrate the smallest of efforts, even when Baby doesn’t do anything but rock back and forth, trying to get their little legs to do what their young  minds are envisioning, “YAYYYY!!!!”, they yell, clapping, even if ‘Baby’ takes only two steps. ‘Baby’ looks up in awe of how loving ‘Big’ and ‘Goofy’ are, and soon ‘Baby’ is clapping and “yayyy-ing”, too!

With all this encouragement, and a process of practice, many tries and many failures–Baby can now walk!

As adults, we are sent out to live on our own, to live our own life, most of us with a set of instructions: “pay bills, work, eat, sleep, pray, don’t drive drunk, protect yourself, cook, clean, etc.” We leave our youth behind, as well as the desires of our youth. With no parents some of us go wild, others don’t, but for most of us we forget that there are steps that we have to take to fully embrace and walk through our lives. And while we aren’t children anymore, we are all Someone’s child (children of The Creator) and the need for nurturing never goes away, it just shows up in different ways (discouragement, low-self esteem, tears, loneliness). It will always give us confidence and courage to walk a little more steady the next-go-round. And it becomes our responsibility.

Like loving an coddling parents, we have to embrace our short-comings, open ourselves up allow ourselves a warm place to hide if we should ever fall and bruise ourselves. Tell ourselves, “it’s ok, sweetie! you’ll do better next time.” We have to give ourselves credit for trying, and give ourselves the option of being tired and allow us some time to rest, pray for guidance, observe and meditate and breathe before we go at our goals again. Just because we didn’t get the walk right the first, second or fifteenth time, doesn’t mean our try was a failure; “There is a blessing in every lesson” (‘The Truth’, India.Arie);We have to forgive ourselves for being human, just as our Creators does daily.

And might I suggest that this stroking and understanding go on outside of yourself? Nope, not in your head. Be “big and goofy!” Talk to yourself in a calming, reassuring tone, just as you would a child. Stand in the mirror, and look at you as you would look at someone else that you care about–Talk aloud the next time find yourself beating yourself up about how you could’ve done things differently. Tell yourself how much you love yourself, talk to yourself about all the good things that you’ve achieved, and all the good things that you are made up of. Caress yourself! Go ahead, do it–doesn’t that feel good? Give yourself credit for the small stuff–the baby steps. Even if you don’t believe it at first, entirely,  convince yourself! Do you see how confident you become, when you don’t focus on  what you perceive as your failure (in life and love)?

Just as if you were a baby, learning the steps, say to yourself, “”Awwww, that’s ok. Get up.” Try again when you’re ready. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t get discouraged!

Baby yourself! Self-Nurturing is one of the key elements of loving you.

And when you finally get it right. Celebrate with yourself, with yourself! Love yourself up! You deserve it!

“YAYYYYYY!!!!”

Your inner child needs you!

I Was Once Unlovable (A personal journey)

Standard

This is a very raw and intimate personal testament of how I learned, the hard way, how to love myself!

I Was Once Unlovable (A personal journey).

Freestyle Friday!

Standard

This photo shows the place where the rainbow r...

The Mind, where the rainbow ends and begins...

I decided to make Friday my designated freestyle day. Short and sweet, not much thought involved. Maybe it wont have anything to do with coaching at all, and perhaps it will give my clients a glimpse of the real Dee:-)

Attended an Apple Employment Seminar yesterday. It was great! I want something part-time, and the company and products are amazing–I’m sure you know that…

While there, we did a lot of  group exercises. I heard a “grandmother quote” that I never heard before: “If you can lean, you can clean.” Meaning, if you have down time, you could be doing something more productive–like cleaning.

And it got me to thinking about all the time I spend thinking–and over thinking (yes, I was thinking about thinking–that’s just the kinda girl I am, lol). I think a lot. I try my best to get a hold of negative thoughts, but they come, more often, though, I’m thinking about ways to be productive; Thinking of ways to grow; Thinking of things to share with a client; I’m thinking thinking of better ways to live, to love myself to love God, to love my partner, my parents, my friends; Ironically, I think more when I have time to rest. Doesn’t my mind deserve to rest, too?

So this weekend, I plan to rest. I’m going to clean out my mind; Thoughts are going to come, but I’m going to clean mind of clutter and anything that needs to be put away–(until another season in my life)–that’s going into some mental file, for a more proper time; Any negative thoughts–lies–are being put in the spiritual-circular-file. This weekend, I’m going on a mental retreat–leaning and cleaning…

Have a good weekend friends!

Also, I just saw a trailer for the new Tyler Perry movie–N’tozake Shange’s “For Colored Girls When the Rainbow is Enuf”, starring Janet Jackson, Loretta Devnie, Phylicia Rashad and Kerri Washington. It doesn’t matter what color of the rainbow you are–I have read and re-read this book maybe a hundred times. It’s pretty, painful and poetic. Can’t wait!

Best Ever Website of The Week Wednesday!

Standard

I would like to share one of the most fun and spiritually and mentally fulfilling sites that I have come across–ever! It actually says that it’s for weight challenged readers, however, let me tell you–there is something here for everyone. A perfect fix for the soul. I hope this helps to get through your hump-day!

P.S. I know there’s a bunch of stuff on this site, so feel free to return again, and again…as long as you promise to come back here again:-)

http://www.balancedweightmanagement.com/: Cultivating 12 Essential Skills