Resistance: The incomparable bully

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Part of the Get Free, Get Happy Series…

“What you resist will persist”…

What does that mean to you? From my experience, it means having my priorities all discombobulated.  It means being so caught up in what people will think, say, feel about my life that I forget that my ultimate goal for me is peace and happiness, so fear and resentment stick around a little longer–actually as long as I allow it to stay, it does.

In my life, “supposed” ; it’s such an ugly word. I held on so tight to the lie of what my life was “supposed” to be (false perceptions handed down by family, friends, peers, society), that I didn’t realize that all I had to do was let go of “supposed” to reveal the truth that was already there whether I like it or not. Continue reading

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The Ultimate Guide to Finding Your Soul-Mate, Part I

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The Get Free, Get Happy Series: Episode 4.0

How could I ever write a series about happiness, without touching on the subject relationship? I could actually create a major motion picture on all the ways that my failed expectations of friends, mates and potential partners have affected my level of happiness in my 31 years of life. And I can’t say that I have it all figured out; but what I can say is that there are universal rules to this game called life, and who we attract is always going to have something to do with who we are.

I think we all understand this concept, regardless of whether or not we conceptualize it. For women, we spent tons of money on beauty products, countless hours to get shiny and appear brand new, tans, waxes, nip this and tuck that–and not to mention fitness fads and diet fixes. Men do it, too. We all go to great lengths to look great and fit the part of partner for our soul mate (if we believe in that sort of thing), or even to attract friends. Most adults that I know complain often about lack of meaningful connections, and some of us have given up all hope.

What do you think? Are our efforts to reel in our soul mate are coming from the right place?

I will leave you with this definition for today.

soul: the principle of life, feeling, thought and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity seperate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existance from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.

Tune in tomorrow for Part II:-)


I Was Once Unlovable (A personal journey)

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I remember it like it was yesterday. It was about 105 degrees. I stood at the heart of Center City, Philadelphia waiting for my, then, lover. She hadn’t been to our home in days. We hadn’t had an argument, yet somehow she was absent from my life, with what I thought was no cause. Somehow, although we’d barely spoken, I had convinced her to go to couple’s therapy.  At the time, I was over

The Infamous Clock

350lbs., my legs ached from standing. With tears in my eyes, I watched as people climb the stairs. I wore a fake smile (something I still do when I’m very uncomfortable). I slipped my pink, shiny, cell phone in and out of my purse  praying for a text from her, as I watched the big, yellow clock at the top of City Hall, glow (tauntingly) for two hours.

I called her phone. Straight to voice-mail. And although I knew she had abandoned me for the past week, I’d convinced myself that she was underground, on the train with no signal. Although she’d cheated on me, mistreated me, and took me through an emotional hell, I thought to myself, “no one can be this heartless.”

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
— Maya Angelou

It wasn’t the first time I fooled myself. All of my life, I had spent most of my energy trying to prove to others what I was worth. And when they didn’t I tried harder. I was always sensitive enough to see that if I met myself on the streets I would be enthralled my intelligence, my natural empathy, my eccentricities. I never bought into the fact that I was garbage, yet I was convinced that no one else would ever perceive me as a treasure–but I still tried; When you are emotionally abused, rarely hear a kind word, it is quite hard to understand that love is an action word.

She never showed up. I wanted to turn around and go home, but no one was there. My heart was shattered. My friend’s already told me so. God already told me to let go. The proof was there. My only question was why?

Why?

I somehow ended up at the door of my therapist’s. I walked into the high-rise apartment building, still smiling like a mannequin, tears fighting with my eyelids, blinding me to my own name as I signed in at the security desk.

I tapped on her door, inhaling the lavender scent that swirled around my anxiety like a dance, forcing my spirits to lift–a little–I danced that dance with lavender every week for the next few years.

It took two traumatic heartbreaks, wasting my time pursing unworthy people, declining physical health, chronic loneliness and tears that I thought would never end–and of course years of therapy to realize that:

It’s me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence.
~Paula Cole, “Me,” This Fire


It was me the entire time–not her. As a child, I didn’t have a choice–or have knowledge of the choices that I had. As an adult, I knew the idea was to be independent, but I didn’t know that independence was not just about paying bills and working. Being independent is about having your own mind, making your own way, loving your own self, if no one else ever does.

I was resisting loving me, and when you resist what is inevitable your life will surely be a rerun of the lesson you are supposed to learn. What you resist will persist. It wasn’t everyone else that was being heartless–it was me. And until I began to love me, I realized that I would continue to be unlovable!

I will say it a million times! It is unfair to hold other’s to standards that you don’t hold yourself to. And lazy. How can we expect anyone to do the hard work of loving someone so human, when we can’t do it ourselves. No one said love was easy, but it is an action word. If you know that, then you know to put it into action!

I did it–do it–until I get it right. There is no formula for loving yourself, except to do what makes you smile, genuinely–from the soul and not on the surface (sometimes my spirit smiles, while my tears fall). For me, sometimes, it is watching classic episodes of Sesame Street. Other times, it is walking down the street, talking to God, not caring if people think I’m crazy (secretly, hoping they do). Recently, it has been doing the job that I feel I was made to do, utilizing myself as the gem that I am…But most of the time, it is telling myself loving things–loving myself is teaching people how to treat me, by treating myself well.

If you find yourself asking, “why?”, be sure the question is directed to you. Instead of asking someone, “why are you treating me like this?”, ask yourself, “why are you allowing someone to treat you like this.” So on, and so forth. I think you’ve got it. Right?

If you can wrap your arms around yourself, hug, and know that the key ingredient to the pie of life is knowing that you can only control you, you will find that no longer does your sunshine depend on someone else’s forecast. And thats a very good thing!

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.  ~African Proverb

NOTE: Life coaching comes after the therapy. I needed to deal with issues that went back to childhood. I didn’t know what I needed to let go of. Coaching deals with now, not the past. If you are ready to set goals for today, and love yourself today, then coaching may be for you. Email me for your free, confidential consultation: coachmysoul@gmail.com

The Universe vs. God?

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The reason why the universe is eternal is that it does not live for itself; it gives life to others as it transforms ~ Lao Tzu

There are times where I will say things like, “I’m putting this into the Universe, and I know it won’t come back void.” or “The Universe is working for me, I’m sure of it.” When I say these things, I can almost bet all that I own that one of my more religious friends are cutting their eyes at me, as if somehow I’m taking reverence away from the God that I serve and putting it into the moon and the stars, as if somehow my Christianity has been compromised for new aged mysticism.

~ Everything is perfect in the universe – even your desire to improve it. ~Wayne Dyer

Call it what you like, but I call it consciousness. I feel with my entire being that there is no way to honor God as God without acknowledging all that He/She (oh, and I’m sure that the She just threw a few people off, as well)  is, and I believe that there is no way to know the inherited Power that we all possess, without knowing what our resources are. I think there is a hymn somewhere that says, “Jesus is ALL to me.” And that He is!

People think pleasing God is all God care about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back. ~Alice Walker, The Color Purple


I don’t believe that God created the Universe just for us to have a big ol’ pretty place to live. I believe that God and the Universe are one, and every little piece of this puzzle–earth, the moon, the stars, trees, flowers, every single molecule was made to work for us–and limiting God to Heaven (wherever that might be), is limiting His power, thus limiting our power as co-creators (since we were made in His image, should it be so hard and complicated to succeed in happiness, love, abundance–life? Should it be far fetched to believe that God created us with the resources to create life, as S/He did?) .

Second Corinthians 9:8 –Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you, so that in all things, always having all you need; you may have abundance for every good work.

There is no internal battle within my mind, heart or spirit about Who or What is in control. When I give thanks to the Universe it is synonymous to giving thanks to God, just on a larger scale–giving thanks to the Whole of God. Like, if you help me up from a ditch I have fallen in, I can’t thank your hand without thanking my friend that took the time to support me, when I needed it most…

I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind, but only to inspire a thought. And I didn’t share this to be self-righteous, as if to say my belief is greater than yours. Whether you be Christian, Muslim, Catholic or Jewish, are you believing in God as a whole? Or as a Powerful Force, far off and non-visible to our small human eyes? If He/She is far off, then so is the Power of God, is it not?  Placing God in Heaven, is like placing God in a box, ultimately limiting the Power that God has blessed each and every one of us with; Forfeiting the greatest gift He/She has granted–Inheritence!

If God is in everything, then all you have to do is open your eyes for the very Source of your existence, and the Power that can change your life, and Ultimately the world.

There is no need to feel powerless, when you have the power of God.

The next time you're feeling powerless, take God out of heaven and place God where you need Him.