Let’s play the happy game!

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I want to invite you to play a game with me. It’s called The Happy Game, its fun and easy. The goal is to find new ways to be happy every day of your life for the rest of your life. It’s suitable for all ages and the game ends whenever you decide it does, but don’t worry you can always drop back in. The only rule is to do good things that make you happy. Are you game? Great!

Well, there are 31 types of happiness. One for every day of the month. How you achieve them is up to you. You can chose whichever of the 31 that you like each day, you can do as many as you like everyday, you can do repeats, you can carry this list with you or you can make a deck of cards, shuffle them–once you chose one you can have fun creating that form of happiness.

1.  Amazed: Wow yourself!

2.  Amused: Make yourself laugh.

3.  Anticipation: Know that there is joy right around the corner. Expect it and look for it.

4.  Borrowed: Celebrate someone else’s victory.

5.  Celebrate: Find something to throw a party for. Big or small, new dress or a new job, new thoughts and new dreams. New love. Dance like no one is watching!

6.  Cheerful: Be that person that sees the light in all things today. Be sickening with it. It’s contagious!

7.  Compassion: Acknowledge someone else’s hard time today, and make it easier on them by letting them know you care. Be happy for you ability to do so.

8.  Content: Be held together like glue today, no matter what happens brush your shoulders off!

9.  Delight: Be giddy about something you would normally overlook today. Something small and what you would usually consider insignificant.

10.  Enthusiastic: Believe in your happiness and let it show in all that you do!

11.  Exuberant: Be so happy today that people can’t deny or overlook it. Let your light shine for you and everyone else!

12.  Fun: If this game isn’t fun enough, play another one. Hide and seek?

13.  Give: Find out how good it feels to sacrifice for the sake of others. Find happiness in making someone smile.

14.  Glad: You don’t always have to do it big. Just be glad. Nothing fancy. Just glad.

15.  Grateful: Focus all the things that went right in your life. Every time you have the urge to complain, counteract with gratitude.

16.  Hopeful: Know that it’s coming, even if you don’t see it.

17.  Humor: Get Him to the Greek, Ellen Degenerous, Kevin Hart, Dave Chappelle, Bloopers all make me laugh. What makes you laugh uncontrollably? Do it till you’re satisfied!

18.  Inspiration: Find the kind of happiness that makes you feel ignited.

19.  Joy: Divine Happiness. Happy because and in spite of.

20.  Love: Forget about yourself today. Act from your heart.  Remember love in an action word. Act!

21.  Nostalgia: Smile about being happy yesterday. Be all sentimental and mushy today.

22.  Optimistic: If you can’t see the light, just look in the mirror. It’s always there. Remember that today.

23.  Peace: Be still!

24.  Play: Be goofy. Play double dutch or watch cartoons while eating captain crunch. Are you daring enough to play with an imaginary friend today? Hmmmm?

25.  Relief: Let it go and be glad that you did.

26.  Satisfaction: Pat yourself on the back for just trying today.

27.  Spirituality: Honor the Divine. How you decide to is up to you. Do what you do with the intent of feeling joy that can only come from deep within your Higher Self.

28.  Spontaneous: Don’t think about it. Just do it!

29.  Surprise: Do something unexpected for you and someone else today. Go out on a limb. Doesn’t that feel good?

30.  Sweet: Be kind and flirty today. Call yourself and others cute little pet names. Got it Sweetie? Ok Big Daddy?

31.  Vivacious: It’s ok, be full of it!

I bet you have some ideas already. How will you pull happiness off every day? Here are some ideas.

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Freestyle Friday: The Freaky Edition, Featuring My Top 10 Sexiest Videos

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Shakira (left) and Knowles (right) in the musi...

Image via Wikipedia

Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.  ~Author Unknown

Again, I want to keep Friday’s short and sweet around here. So, today I want to share with you a very interesting articled that I found on Webmd.com. There was a study done that proved that sex “enters so strongly (and) positively in happiness equations” that they estimate increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week is equivalent to the amount of happiness generated by getting an additional $50,000 in income for the average American “; and, Overall, the happiest folks are those getting the most sex — married people, who report 30% more between-the-sheets action than single folks. In fact, the economists calculate that a lasting marriage equates to happiness generated by getting an extra $100,000 each year. Divorce, meanwhile, translates to a happiness depletion of $66,000 annually (Dartmouth College economist David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England).

Way to stay happy!!! I hope I just confirmed some weekend plans for some of you:-)

Here’s the article: Sex Better Than Money for Happiness

Coach Dee’s Top 10 Sexiest Video’s (in no particular order. Drum-roll please!):

  1. Rock the Cradle of Love, Billy Idol: O.K., so, because I love this song so much, I refuse to believe it’s about underaged girls. Billy was like 50 in this video, rocking the cradle could have been 35, lol.
  2. Flashing Lights, Kanye West: The message in this video is to not ignore your gf. She gets mad, lol!
  3. Justify My Love, Madonna: I used to sneak and watch this video when I was younger. I don’t think I knew why it was so bad, I just knew it was forbidden. Nothing says sexy like TABOO!
  4. Divinyls, Touch Myself: Here’s to Monogamy!
  5. Simply Irresistible, Robert Palmer: Simplicity is sexy, too.
  6. Within You, Final Scene From the Labyrinth, David Bowie: I’m not really sure why a man in tights is sexy, but there was something about the intensity of this scene that I love.
  7. Forrest Scene from Twilight: So who said these were gonna be all music videos? Again, it’s the intensity! TEAM EDWARD, BABY!!!
  8. Beautiful Liar, Shakira and Beyonce: This video needs to words.
  9. Maniac Scene, Jennifer Beale Dance Scene from Flashdance: Here’s to passion, leg warmers and body doubles!!!
  10. How Does it Feel, D’Angelo: Well, the Prince like falsetto, the eye sex that he’s giving, the fact that he obviously had his body waxed to give us sexy are all reasons why this video is wonderful. You get a A+ for this one D (we miss you)!

Honorable Mention: How Does it Feel parody from the Jamie Foxx Show; Why? Because laughter and silliness is sexy!

So what would you add to the list? Comment Below.

The Get Free, Get Happy Series, Ep. 2: It’s O.K.! Be a Baby Today!

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As good parents, I feel that you have to allow children to make mistakes, in order for them to learn. Example:

‘Baby’ is learning to walk. ‘Baby’ takes two steps and falls, PLOP! Mommy/Daddy says, “Awwww, that’s ok. Get up.”  ‘Baby’ looks up at the “big, goofy” people with smiles of admiration. “Wow,” Baby thinks, “All this and all I did was try?”, so ‘Baby gets up and tries again. ‘Big‘  and ‘Goofy’ stand about three feet away, close, with arms outstretched for ‘Baby’ to fall into them and their embrace,  if needed (and the truth is, they expect it. They know, in all of their big-goofiness, that there is a process of succeeding, and it’s rare to reach it without falling). The parents even celebrate the smallest of efforts, even when Baby doesn’t do anything but rock back and forth, trying to get their little legs to do what their young  minds are envisioning, “YAYYYY!!!!”, they yell, clapping, even if ‘Baby’ takes only two steps. ‘Baby’ looks up in awe of how loving ‘Big’ and ‘Goofy’ are, and soon ‘Baby’ is clapping and “yayyy-ing”, too!

With all this encouragement, and a process of practice, many tries and many failures–Baby can now walk!

As adults, we are sent out to live on our own, to live our own life, most of us with a set of instructions: “pay bills, work, eat, sleep, pray, don’t drive drunk, protect yourself, cook, clean, etc.” We leave our youth behind, as well as the desires of our youth. With no parents some of us go wild, others don’t, but for most of us we forget that there are steps that we have to take to fully embrace and walk through our lives. And while we aren’t children anymore, we are all Someone’s child (children of The Creator) and the need for nurturing never goes away, it just shows up in different ways (discouragement, low-self esteem, tears, loneliness). It will always give us confidence and courage to walk a little more steady the next-go-round. And it becomes our responsibility.

Like loving an coddling parents, we have to embrace our short-comings, open ourselves up allow ourselves a warm place to hide if we should ever fall and bruise ourselves. Tell ourselves, “it’s ok, sweetie! you’ll do better next time.” We have to give ourselves credit for trying, and give ourselves the option of being tired and allow us some time to rest, pray for guidance, observe and meditate and breathe before we go at our goals again. Just because we didn’t get the walk right the first, second or fifteenth time, doesn’t mean our try was a failure; “There is a blessing in every lesson” (‘The Truth’, India.Arie);We have to forgive ourselves for being human, just as our Creators does daily.

And might I suggest that this stroking and understanding go on outside of yourself? Nope, not in your head. Be “big and goofy!” Talk to yourself in a calming, reassuring tone, just as you would a child. Stand in the mirror, and look at you as you would look at someone else that you care about–Talk aloud the next time find yourself beating yourself up about how you could’ve done things differently. Tell yourself how much you love yourself, talk to yourself about all the good things that you’ve achieved, and all the good things that you are made up of. Caress yourself! Go ahead, do it–doesn’t that feel good? Give yourself credit for the small stuff–the baby steps. Even if you don’t believe it at first, entirely,  convince yourself! Do you see how confident you become, when you don’t focus on  what you perceive as your failure (in life and love)?

Just as if you were a baby, learning the steps, say to yourself, “”Awwww, that’s ok. Get up.” Try again when you’re ready. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t get discouraged!

Baby yourself! Self-Nurturing is one of the key elements of loving you.

And when you finally get it right. Celebrate with yourself, with yourself! Love yourself up! You deserve it!

“YAYYYYYY!!!!”

Your inner child needs you!

10 Simple Steps to Creating Happiness: The Get Free, Get Happy Series, Ep. 1.5

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Portrait of Byron Katie

Creator and Author of "The Work", Byron Katie

Try these 10 simple steps to stay happy during stressful times:

1. Breathe in, then out,  deeply and slowly.

2. Close your eyes, if you need to block out distractions or that thing that is making you upset.

3. Pay close attention to how you feel. Be completely aware of the tension your dis-ease is causing in your body and heart (this is so you remember exactly what dis-ease feels like the next time it comes along).

Watch the next time someone gets you peeved–not just angry, irritation is stress too –pay close attention to how your neck, chest and shoulders tense up. Are you tapping your foot, while waiting in a long line? Are your cheeks flushed, because someone said something that triggered your embarrassment? Or are you rubbing your temples, because the person next to you on the train is having a loud, long conversation on her cell phone about the drama in her life–are you getting a headache? Observe!

You just let a skin irritation go without soothing. Why let a mental irritation go without attention?

4. Know that anything outside of happiness is less than you are capable of and far less than you deserve. Yup, even being irked, annoyed or irritated.

5. Talk it out with yourself, without saying “SHOULD”, “WOULD”, “COULD”, “WON’T” or “CAN’T” (or any variation of these words that you can trick your mind into believing is true–STICK TO THE FACTS!)

Just what is happening in the moment that has you so heated, and what about it is upsetting to you? What is going on in your mind? What don’t you like about this person or event?

Personal example:

Oh my gosh! I can’t believe this cashier is going to talk on her cell phone the entire time we are in this line. Is she cursing? Wow! That is soooo unprofessional! I worked in customer service all these years and not once did I get away with such behavior. I know she’s only giving such service because it’s a discount store, if this was a gourmet supermarket, in the suburbs, she would NOT get away with that! Shows what she thinks of people like me!


6. Now, this is where I have to give an official shout out to Byron Katie! It’s what “The Work” is all about. The truth and all of it!


Ask yourself next, after you figure out why you’re unhappy (while still applying step #5), are my thoughts about this person or event true? Are your feelings about the person or event fact or opinion (opinions can never be proven, otherwise they would be the truth–sure, you are allowed to  have them,  but they are not facts, which basically makes them fictional stories–made up by our tricky, perceptions). Byron Katie’s “The Work” humbles a Leo like me. It asks you how much do you know of the truth, how do you know the truth? and would you bet your life that you know that your opinion of this person or event 100% true? Basically, who died and made you God?

Well, when you put it like that…

How did I know that the lady was on a personal call? And was I always professional, 100%? Better yet, what is professional really (sure, I know the definition, but would she be unacceptable to someone else who waited on customers while chatting away on her free nights and weekends)? Am I really sure that she wouldn’t act the same if she was in another neighborhood in an upscale establishment?

More importantly, the question to ask is what if I didn’t think these things? What if I stood here and read The National Inquirer or said a prayer for all of humanity instead of wasting all this energy on something so small? Shouldn’t energy produce a better result than anger?

7.  Ask yourself have I ever felt this way before? Did it last forever and did it solve anything? What good did it do me? Are my thoughts making me happy?

8.  If it doesn’t make you happy don’t do it, don’t say it, don’t think it!

I know that’s hard. But so many times we go to others for advice in life, love, career, etc. How easy would it be to rely on someone who is always present? God didn’t give us emotions and feelings for nothing! Feelings and emotions are like those “Magic 8” balls that we played with as children. Ask yourself is ____________ (fill in the blank with your actions) going to make me happy? Shake yourself up (meaning, be real and honest with yourself about numbers 1-8–yes, it’s going to be hard sometimes)! And voilà, the answer can only be yes or no! If the answer is yes–go for it! No? Ummmm, well, leave that thought, action or reaction right where you found it (or  in some cases him or her, lol).

If you’re unhappy, there’s something wrong and it’s your job to fix it, honey! There are times where I sing, talk to myself, watch classic episodes of Seasame Street, or sometimes I just have to scream out loud to let out my tension. Do whatever you need to do to put a smile on your face long enough to think rationally. Remember the lesson from this episode is to BE YOUR OWN SUPER-HERO! Save the day! How do you do that? By changing things. How? By changing your course of action. And where do our actions begin? In the mind, right?

9. Remember, your brain tells your body what to do, not the other way around; Unless you have some kind of addiction (which has a need for compulsion–which we will talk about in episode 4), understanding that actions start in your mind may be fairly simple.

10. I can’t say it enough, your actions begin in your mind. Once your mind knows that:

  • You have control over creating your happiness. (Thank God for that gift, as soon as you believe it! It’s the inherited gift of life and power!) Never again do you have to depend on someone else to make you smile from the inside out. Have you heard better news?
  • Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true.
  • If there is unhappiness, there lies a lie. God gave us the gift of Joy! It’s the only thing, besides change that is constant in this life. It’s there, as long as God is there–even if we don’t acknowledge it/God. The truth is Righteous and Just. The Truth is also Freedom (Webster’s definition: liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another). You know the old saying, “The truth shall set you free?” or “Shame the devil, tell the truth?” They’re two very true statements. How can we authentically acknowledge God’s love and power that we have to utilize and live an unhappy life? Is that possible?

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2nd Corinthians 3:17

Truth triggers happiness. If the Truth is Freedom, and you want the Truth and to be Free of unhappiness, you must know that God lives in you, therefore the truth has to be there also. It’s there, friend, and it was there all the time!

  • Practice makes perfect. Once we admit and accept that the truth it then opens up the door to our personal happiness, because we can then let go of the stories that we create to make sense of things, and fix the issues that can actually be fixed–reality;  We really do have to practice acknowledging it, though. If I want to build muscle I exercise–I focus on physical activities. If I want to find the truth, I have to focus on my mind, therefore freeing my heart.

I don’t know if you know this, but you have the power to change your life. It’s not in anyone else’s hands, but yours! You have the power to create the life that you want, and you inherited it from The Creator.

It brings me so much Joy to know that I may never be perfect (it’s cool), and people may get on my nerves sometimes, but it doesn’t help me to stay in a state of being upset–I may never get it right,  butI can practice perfection. I will make mistakes, but I sure can switch some things around, and make the best of my life, right?

By seeing the Truth, I am forcing myself to see God in the things that I allow harm me. I can save the day, turn weakness in to strength and “bad” into “good”, so to speak–like only a superhero can!

If we are not happy and joyous at this season,

for what other season shall we wait and

for what other time shall we look?


—Abdul-Baha

Your happiness is in your hands!

Like what you read today? Please subscribe, share, like and comment. This blog is Episode 1 of a 5 part series, entitled: “The Get Free, Get Happy Series.”

Feedback is welcome and Thanks for stopping by.

To win a free month of life coaching by me (yes, totally free), please send an email to:coachdee215@yahoo.com

Freestyle Friday!

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This photo shows the place where the rainbow r...

The Mind, where the rainbow ends and begins...

I decided to make Friday my designated freestyle day. Short and sweet, not much thought involved. Maybe it wont have anything to do with coaching at all, and perhaps it will give my clients a glimpse of the real Dee:-)

Attended an Apple Employment Seminar yesterday. It was great! I want something part-time, and the company and products are amazing–I’m sure you know that…

While there, we did a lot of  group exercises. I heard a “grandmother quote” that I never heard before: “If you can lean, you can clean.” Meaning, if you have down time, you could be doing something more productive–like cleaning.

And it got me to thinking about all the time I spend thinking–and over thinking (yes, I was thinking about thinking–that’s just the kinda girl I am, lol). I think a lot. I try my best to get a hold of negative thoughts, but they come, more often, though, I’m thinking about ways to be productive; Thinking of ways to grow; Thinking of things to share with a client; I’m thinking thinking of better ways to live, to love myself to love God, to love my partner, my parents, my friends; Ironically, I think more when I have time to rest. Doesn’t my mind deserve to rest, too?

So this weekend, I plan to rest. I’m going to clean out my mind; Thoughts are going to come, but I’m going to clean mind of clutter and anything that needs to be put away–(until another season in my life)–that’s going into some mental file, for a more proper time; Any negative thoughts–lies–are being put in the spiritual-circular-file. This weekend, I’m going on a mental retreat–leaning and cleaning…

Have a good weekend friends!

Also, I just saw a trailer for the new Tyler Perry movie–N’tozake Shange’s “For Colored Girls When the Rainbow is Enuf”, starring Janet Jackson, Loretta Devnie, Phylicia Rashad and Kerri Washington. It doesn’t matter what color of the rainbow you are–I have read and re-read this book maybe a hundred times. It’s pretty, painful and poetic. Can’t wait!

I Was Once Unlovable (A personal journey)

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I remember it like it was yesterday. It was about 105 degrees. I stood at the heart of Center City, Philadelphia waiting for my, then, lover. She hadn’t been to our home in days. We hadn’t had an argument, yet somehow she was absent from my life, with what I thought was no cause. Somehow, although we’d barely spoken, I had convinced her to go to couple’s therapy.  At the time, I was over

The Infamous Clock

350lbs., my legs ached from standing. With tears in my eyes, I watched as people climb the stairs. I wore a fake smile (something I still do when I’m very uncomfortable). I slipped my pink, shiny, cell phone in and out of my purse  praying for a text from her, as I watched the big, yellow clock at the top of City Hall, glow (tauntingly) for two hours.

I called her phone. Straight to voice-mail. And although I knew she had abandoned me for the past week, I’d convinced myself that she was underground, on the train with no signal. Although she’d cheated on me, mistreated me, and took me through an emotional hell, I thought to myself, “no one can be this heartless.”

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
— Maya Angelou

It wasn’t the first time I fooled myself. All of my life, I had spent most of my energy trying to prove to others what I was worth. And when they didn’t I tried harder. I was always sensitive enough to see that if I met myself on the streets I would be enthralled my intelligence, my natural empathy, my eccentricities. I never bought into the fact that I was garbage, yet I was convinced that no one else would ever perceive me as a treasure–but I still tried; When you are emotionally abused, rarely hear a kind word, it is quite hard to understand that love is an action word.

She never showed up. I wanted to turn around and go home, but no one was there. My heart was shattered. My friend’s already told me so. God already told me to let go. The proof was there. My only question was why?

Why?

I somehow ended up at the door of my therapist’s. I walked into the high-rise apartment building, still smiling like a mannequin, tears fighting with my eyelids, blinding me to my own name as I signed in at the security desk.

I tapped on her door, inhaling the lavender scent that swirled around my anxiety like a dance, forcing my spirits to lift–a little–I danced that dance with lavender every week for the next few years.

It took two traumatic heartbreaks, wasting my time pursing unworthy people, declining physical health, chronic loneliness and tears that I thought would never end–and of course years of therapy to realize that:

It’s me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence.
~Paula Cole, “Me,” This Fire


It was me the entire time–not her. As a child, I didn’t have a choice–or have knowledge of the choices that I had. As an adult, I knew the idea was to be independent, but I didn’t know that independence was not just about paying bills and working. Being independent is about having your own mind, making your own way, loving your own self, if no one else ever does.

I was resisting loving me, and when you resist what is inevitable your life will surely be a rerun of the lesson you are supposed to learn. What you resist will persist. It wasn’t everyone else that was being heartless–it was me. And until I began to love me, I realized that I would continue to be unlovable!

I will say it a million times! It is unfair to hold other’s to standards that you don’t hold yourself to. And lazy. How can we expect anyone to do the hard work of loving someone so human, when we can’t do it ourselves. No one said love was easy, but it is an action word. If you know that, then you know to put it into action!

I did it–do it–until I get it right. There is no formula for loving yourself, except to do what makes you smile, genuinely–from the soul and not on the surface (sometimes my spirit smiles, while my tears fall). For me, sometimes, it is watching classic episodes of Sesame Street. Other times, it is walking down the street, talking to God, not caring if people think I’m crazy (secretly, hoping they do). Recently, it has been doing the job that I feel I was made to do, utilizing myself as the gem that I am…But most of the time, it is telling myself loving things–loving myself is teaching people how to treat me, by treating myself well.

If you find yourself asking, “why?”, be sure the question is directed to you. Instead of asking someone, “why are you treating me like this?”, ask yourself, “why are you allowing someone to treat you like this.” So on, and so forth. I think you’ve got it. Right?

If you can wrap your arms around yourself, hug, and know that the key ingredient to the pie of life is knowing that you can only control you, you will find that no longer does your sunshine depend on someone else’s forecast. And thats a very good thing!

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.  ~African Proverb

NOTE: Life coaching comes after the therapy. I needed to deal with issues that went back to childhood. I didn’t know what I needed to let go of. Coaching deals with now, not the past. If you are ready to set goals for today, and love yourself today, then coaching may be for you. Email me for your free, confidential consultation: coachmysoul@gmail.com