1. My mother had a friend that she used to hang out with who’s youngest son would dress up in his older sisters clothing and play with her Barbies. When my mother tried to defend his eccentricities by saying, “leave that boy alone, playing with dolls will make him a better father!” His response? “Mmmm-mmm, no it wont, ’cause I’m not gonna be a daddy, I’m gonna be a mommy!” He was about five. We all labeled him as gay.
Get Free, Get Happy! Episode #3
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.”
— Eckhart Tolle
I have a question for you. Ready? O.K., I want you to take a few moments to think about this: If you stumped your toe, would you feel it, if your mind didn’t know it? I mean, if your brain was never aware of what happened in those few seconds where you mis-measured the space between the coffee table and the loveseat? Can’t figure it out yet? Well, what if your small child started to scream from the other room at the same time. Would the diversion from your own incident, to something more important, allow you to not focus on your own pain, even if only for a moment; would you still feel your own hurt?
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
When pain comes, your nerves send a message to your brain, and depending on your fears and perception of that pain, it can either be magnified or lessened. When we continue to obsess over our disappointments, we play out our emotions repetitively, and by going over the details of our painful stories our bodies feel the same tension and stress similar to what we feel if we actually going through the painful ordeal, over and over; we refuse the possibility of healing, and allow our hearts to continue to break.
When we allow ourselves to internalize our pain, we can’t forgive and we allow the people that we hold accountable for our pain power over our lives. While I believe that the pain that we feel, out of heartbreak and disappointment comes directly from our expectations of what we perceive as being perfect–we try to see things that only God can consistently give us in very human people and things–and are spiritually blinded to our attachment to them. It’s easier said than done, to not expect truth and loyalty from the people that we love 100%, but I think it’s easier to at least admit that it’s not realistic; and even if we can’t admit that aspect of taking responsibility for our own lives, I’m sure you’ll agree that no one deserves control over your peace of mind, but you. The more resentment we continue to harbor, the less truth we let into our lives. The reality is this: pain is usually a clue that we need to make adjustments in our lives. If your belt was tight enough to cut off your breathing, wouldn’t you loosen it and if your pants were falling would you not tighten it? Pain and discomfort is usually a sign of resistance of the inevitable. When we feel pain, usually it means we need to cling to what alleviates our pain (try to think permanent and spiritual on this one), and let go of what/who is causing this pain.
“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” –Ann Landers
I have hurt in my life and begged God to make it stop. I’ve asked the question that I’m sure many people have asked, “When will the tears/pain stop?” The answer was, to my surprise, “when you allow it to, the healing will begin.” Please, I urge you, to not think it’s a human, terminal, condition to continue to go through the same emotional pain, over and over, but until we learn to let go and let God and forgive, we let undeserving situations to run our lives. If there’s the chance of getting “burned”, there is also the option to come out as pure gold in the end; If you have the power to love, you have the power to live and let go!
“The Tao Te Ching says, When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. Have you ever struggled to find work or love, only to find them after you have given up? This is the paradox of letting go. Let go, in order to achieve.Letting go is God’s law.” – Mary Manin Morrissey
- The Ultimate Guide to Motivating Yourself (dragosroua.com)
- Forgiveness (psychologytoday.com)
- Are You Hurting? (itakeoffthemask.com)
- Wendy Strgar: The Truth About Forgiveness (huffingtonpost.com)
- Letting Go (socyberty.com)
- The Key to Freedom is Forgiveness (brighthub.com)
- Does God have a Plan? (blogilliterate.blogspot.com)
- RaK added a discussion to the group The Journey of Forgiveness (humanityhealing.ning.com)
- Judith Acosta, LISW, CHT: The Trauma of Betrayal and Verbal First Aid (huffingtonpost.com)
- To Forgive, Very Simple But to Forget, is It Real? (socyberty.com)
- Find Freedom in Forgiveness (psychologytoday.com)
- “The Pain Chronicles”: The science of pain (salon.com)
- Anger Increases Pain in Women (webmd.com)
- The Pain enigma: The more scientists learn, the more mysterious it becomes (news.nationalpost.com)